She was 11 when we met her and 12 when she moved in with us. hope she gets to a healthier mental place. But it is going to seriously fuck up your 2.5 year old. 3 years later I met a guy and got pregnant the same night I met him (it had been a while since I'd had sex and I was drunk). I know someone who adopted a girl from a bad family situation a few years back. Anonymous. If you don't include a judgement abbreviation, the bot will ignore you when it looks for the top voted comment. She's amazing but what life does a child have caring for her only parent that's disabled, that's in so much pain her only wish is to one day going to Switzerland and ending it all. I carried her for 9 months and give her up for adoption. You don’t. My husband has said repeatedly: ‘If I knew then what I know now…NO!’ Yet, I’ve never seen a better father… ever. But seeing as I'm still in my 20's, I've never actually witnessed the adoption thing pan out. He showed me what a father is and I am so grateful for him Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, I used to target womb rats in my T-16 back home. I am a mother that gave my daughter Emily up for adoption in 1985. But no matter what challenges you are facing, it is important to always keep your child… And, one of the most important pre-adoption projects is to convince yourself that, “Yes, it WILL happen to me.” Some older child adoptive parents may deal with developmental delays and challenges. They do love them, though, and not every kid (adopted or not) has that privilege. Please tell me that that's not all true and there are many women who are perfectly fine and well adjusted after putting up their child for adoption. You don’t have to give up on anyone. But yeah OP needs to sort her shit out and raise that child. But I think deep down we all know things are in disarray now. Thank you for such an informed comment. If it matters, we're both 25 and 26. "Childfree" refers to those who do not have and do not ever want children (whether biological, adopted, or otherwise). It is one that will affect both the child… Because we were CF and invested on ourselves for eleven years, we were able to make this decision knowing full well what our job would be. Ultimately, she lived with my friend and her life (the kid's) improved and she responded well to the situation and ultimately wanted to remain with my friend. I'd say ESH at least. Do you all NOT have a basic understanding of methods of birth control? But again, we are CF at heart and when she moves on we will resume our sort of CF life. I had a 1 year old and lived in a homeless shelter. Call our firm today at 319-291-6161 to get started. Adoption isn't just for women who are currently pregnant. As far as I know, they had no connection to his birth family. It is really difficult because sometimes the state pulls the children from custody of the parents but is still adamant on "parental interaction. Also that all bio moms were coerced and tricked into giving up their child. To uproot that and attempt to enter him or her into a new home would most likely require specialized counseling, education and training. Parents consider adoption for their children for all kinds of reasons. There's a lot of not well informed commentary on this sub about foster care and adoption. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Every parent considering older child adoption needs to read, talk with other parents, and read some more. This is an extremely tough question to answer. Giving an older child up for adoption may be a much more difficult transition for the child than it would be if he or she were younger. It's wonderful because if you get tired of them, you can SEND THEM HOME! The result of bad decision is regret. I know a few who have adopted 2-6 year old children when they were unable to have biological children and adopting a baby wasn't happening. Meet the children in foster care who are ready for adoption! Parenting a newborn infant or a toddler can be very challenging. Following this prescription of time has proven to have a great impact on the most negative behavior. ESH. I thank god my dad wasn’t in my life, because my dad (adopted me when I was 5 and married my mom) is my REAL father. I became pregnant again much to the delight of my mother and my unreasonable thought process was I was making it up to her. If I ever decide I want a child, this is how I want to do it. People will also talk about not wanting to deal with the "messy" stage of children - the stickiness, the bodily fluids, etc. If your child has special needs, you may feel that you cannot provide for him or her. 95% Upvoted . Im in a homeless shelter and i see no way out. Although there isn't an adoption per se in this film, the young hero does end up … Every parent considering older child adoption needs to read, talk with other parents, and read some more. But we thought that it was worth putting our CF life on hold for a few years to help another human being. Even my sister was on board and ghosted us 100%. TL;DR Never seen anyone want to adopt an older child, and in England is virtually impossible to do anyway. But not surprisingly, i have very very few friends with kids of any type. You don't get to opt out of being an adult just because life is hard. Discussion and links of interest to childfree individuals. I look forward to doing the same. Cookies help us deliver our Services. When you choose adoption for your non-infant child, you’re not giving up. My husband and I are considering adopting an older kid in the future (waaaaay in the future) and if we do we plan on going in to it with realistic expectations. How would I go about this in the best way of telling her my recent decision. This can accomplished by going through an adoption agency or by matching up with adoptive parents during pregnancy and conducting interviews to choose a family for your child. "Mommy and Daddy got rid of brother. I have serious back problems i cant work i have 2 kids ages 6 and 2. And before you judge why I had a child in the first place know this. But after about age four the focus is supporting the birth family to get healthy enough to eventually take the child back. As an adoptive parent, I believe that adoption is all about gains and losses, joy and grief, a balance that shifts often throughout life. Individual counseling and couples counseling. It’s hard for most people to comprehend that I, or any woman, could not want to be a mother. Why Consider Older Child Adoption? But no matter what challenges you are facing, it is important to always keep your child’s safety and wellbeing in mind. Press J to jump to the feed. Frankly, I just don’t understand how someone can become accidentally pregnant THREE times. https://lifetimeadoption.com/birthmothers/placing-older-child-adoption Hey, im not pregnant but i have a 5month old son and im thinking of giving him up for adoption because i want him to have alot more than i can give and i want more of my life before i settle down for a family if i ever do. people aren’t educated on contraception enough. A child abandoned by biological parents or whose parents were deprived of parental rights due to marginal lifeways and who spent most of its life in an orphanage, may not at all be willing to become adopted and have lots, and I mean lots of psychological, mental and health issues, and that should be taken into consideration - all those issues will need to be addressed to. Surely ESH! Alanna, 5 yr. from Taiwan. That 'temporary removal' could be for 16 years. Since they’ve already begun to develop, one could argue that it’s best not to separate the child from the parent. Does that count as older? A former colleague really wanted kids, but after a series of difficult pregnancies that ended in miscarriage, she and her husband adopted a boy who I think was about 7 at the time. I'm conflicted. My friend has a 2 year old and she says she "can't handle her" anymore and is seriously thinking about giving her up, but can a person just give up an older child . My husband and I have been together for only four years and I became pregnant within the first year of us dating. It’s your fault for letting yourself be manipulated. I broached the topic to my husband of maybe putting our son up for adoption, so he can be raised in a better household. Our relationship with my mother was strained for a long time but I thought we reconciled and they accepted our decision then to terminate the pregnancy. 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