First and foremost from the moment a foster child walks into my home … Quotes. It’s not about ME being mom or having that recognition from others. I’ve been asked if I’m her “real” mommy (yes, I am!) I will be praying for her. Dear kiddo in care, I can’t wait to hear you tell your story. We tried to heal the wounds of their former lives with no other tools than love, compassion, grace, and a whole lot of laughter. Oh how my heart breaks for this momma. She is hailed as a saint. I am daily reminded of His ultimate sacrifice as I too learn to pay for the sins of others, sins I never committed. I grew up with two loving parents and continue to grow and gain success thanks to those same two loving folks. I hurt for her and yearn to sit with her, because I’ve been her. Brittany Morgan, National Writer's Society2. A recommendation letter or reference letter is a seal of authenticity for a particular person.It is a written declaration like an unattested affidavit that gives the recipient a mark of guarantee for the recomendee for whom it stands for.Just as it is asked in an office for an employee by a manager or for a student whilst taking admission to college,for the foster parent in a child adoption process,this … It is especially bad at church where I’m the youngest woman there with a child in elementary school. I don’t understand. but our path is different. Thank you for loving the unlovely, healing the hurt, guiding the lost and correcting inappropriate behavior. However, neither the immense amount of paper work or unimagined number of tasks that needed to be completed got in the way of this amazing family's decision. I pray God will heal your children emotionally, physically, and mentally so they may give themselves over to your love as much as you have given up your heart to them. I am close to being 59 years old now and I felt that I already had too much on my plate to take more than the 2 year old. Thank you so much for posting this. I may not have held them as infants, but God did. We have learned not to mention that to friends and family. How do I teach them to trust, when they’ve never been able to trust a single person? From my own family I’ve had my children referred to as “not really ours.” I’ve been asked repeatedly why my body is unable to produce a “real” child. My eldest, if I’d given birth to her would have made me a teenage mother. ... adopted parents who passed away and a biological family that hated me from infancy. There was still never a shower. How poor we have become! My husband has 2 biological children and the other 5 were adopted. Family is family no matter how it grows. Two of the children are on feeding tubes, at least one in a wheel chair and many with down syndrome. Here is a heart-felt letter from a foster adoptive parent. Be blessed. So if you are, were previously, or intend on becoming a foster parent...... Dan, Iris, Michael, Allie, and Sarah Kassem, I'd personally like to thank you. In our interview, the admissions director turned to me, with glasses half cast, and said “you don’t know who the father is?” I replied no since my daughter was adopted (& had she reviewed the app first, she would have seen that). Those are some powerful words. And a desire to follow Jesus in my life and for my family. Wow, I am shocked and a bit horrified to hear that this family or any other has been treated with such disrespect. You see, as foster parents, my clients occupy rarefied space, without precise legal definition. They are grandkids, niece and nephew, cousin..period. Kimberly Bowers wrote this open letter to Oakland County, Michigan Family Court Judge Lisa Gorcyca. I am sure every foster parent has a story to tell — some with … We were her 5th foster home in under a year. It is I who pays for his sins. We were the last home in the area called and if we didn’t take her, they would be forced to move her to an institution as her current foster mom had already given notice to have her moved. We are a blended family of biological and adoptive children. Be careful how you word things. So Sad for you! These are words that must be shared. Hi! I am so sorry that you are experiencing this, in my church we had individuals that Fostered children and we readily excepted them.Everyone loved the children and were always sad to see them move on, because they developed an attachment. Despite these dark times, there is light at the end of the tunnel. It hurts to know I was so disposable, but I mourn instead for their lost sense of compassion, grace, understanding. Open letter of appreciation to TFCO foster parents: Dear TFCO Foster Parents, It is a privilege and honor to work with you. In case you ever wondered what it was like to follow Christ’s leading against the mainstream this is the picture I have for you. They train throughout the US, Canada, India, Ukraine, Kygryzstan, Russia and others. I’m an adoptive mother. No tears, no quavering voice, no trembling chin. With gyms being shut down, the nervousness of going to a grocery store, and the little activity that working from home allowed, our bodies have definitely taken a break in 2020. Thank you for this post. None of them look like me at all, so people often make comments that “I’m not their real mother” or “they aren’t REALLY my children” because I didn’t give birth to them. As you may notice, it took a while for the program to accept them as prospective foster parents (due to the lengthy application requirements) giving the Kassem's plenty of chances and opportunities to change their mind about joining the program. It would have been easy to look at my life prior to having my daughter in the home and think only of the sacrifice I was dealing with and all the things I was giving up, but I didn’t. Thought I’d never be able to. But God is faithful. May your children learn to love you and each one of you can move on and live the life God has for each of you!!! I cuddle with them, pray for them, fear for them, feed them, encourage them, cheer them on, fix their owies, laugh with them, cry with them and live day to day with them. Unfortunately life happens, things go wrong and innocent children end up in the program. And the cruel and naive comments that are said to adoptive mom’s after what usually is many month/years of heartache, disappointment, longing, sadness, waiting, wanting. Wow! It is more typically those who are not close to us that just don’t get it. But, it would be a joy, and an honor, to be in the ranks of families like your’s. My girls will likely never call me ‘mom’ as their mom was in prison. But when you see something that’s a little different, be slow to judge. I understand you, momma in the letter. http://www.reallifeanswers.org/challenges-in-life/enduring-trials-when-seem-beyond-our-capacity/. http://thismomsgotsomethingtosay.com/2012/08/15/mine/ The road we hoe is not an easy one, but man the rewards are great. 2. I don't even mean that you're ignorant to the traumas of foster children...because you're that too. I pondered her statement all day…I knew there was something rich in it. Thank you again. An Open Letter to My Adopted Mom. Maturity. With the relationship I have with my siblings, I know the importance of the love between a brother and sister. They clearly are led in a different way and I only have to answer to God. I am so sorry to hear this. Dear foster parents, I have been adopted twice now. A relationship full of firsts. And that’s okay. I appreciate foster families that strive to show their children what it means to love, not because you are getting something in return, but because you want to give it to others. The struggles are still very real and very raw, yet I feel the experience has grown me in ways no other life experience would, and have such a deep impact on my heart. I actually wrote a similar blog post that you’d probably totally relate to and understand. You are just plain stupid and ignorant. I would just like to say, yes I choose this life and I love her with all my heart but I still struggle sometimes more then they will ever know. You are my parents, not my “foster” parents, nothing about our relationship was just you fostering me. When did it become everyone else’s business?? There were many times when they were growing up that I prefer to forget..bringing up other children with unfamiliar genes,habits formed in other environments, secrets that you cannot know, and ages that permit them to remember life before you, make every day a challenge to the most dedicated parents. You'd think after reading that, that I myself was fostered at some point in my life, but it's actually the complete opposite. I have been adopted at the age of 16, and i understand the feelings of being in foster care, and as well as the struggles of feeling part of the family after adoption as well. I hope you dont mind if I repost this on my blog as well. However, it can become permanent - usually when a foster parent adopts or accepts permanent managing conservatorship of a child. As the days passed, the love grew and I had become attached to these children. This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator. I’m so thankful there are brave mothers out there willing to adopt foster kids b/c the need is so great! I was in every treated as if I were there biological child. Thank you so much for all your words that you wrote, all of them is what I have felt over the years, it is so nice to know that I am not the only one who has gone through or thought these things. But I stopped caring about that. Wow, what an amazing comment post. Although I’ve entered motherhood in every sense of the term, my children do not call me mom – I’ve not yet earned that title. My husband and I want to express our deepest sympathy. Becoming a mother isn’t always a 1+1 journey for everyone. I look young for my age and they can do the math in their heads. Kristen Haddox, Penn State University4. There was no “yay, welcome to parenthood”. Jami's Sacred Ground Sticky Floors is fun, inspirational, and filled with utter lunacy with a dash of hope. I was unable to have children due to medical reasons and desired a baby so bad. Not all of our extended family accepts our children. This is a collective "you," not a personal "you"...so don't get offended unless it applies. I understand you momma in the letter. Secondly, I am disappointed in people who act so ignorantly. What you do is enough, you are amazing to live in this world. Required fields are marked *. . From the current COVID-19 pandemic the globe is fighting to those pesky murder hornets, and fighting systemic racism, 2020 was not the year anyone anticipated. In the end I know a joy far fuller than any parent ever has. I am not a foster parent, nor have I adopted children. It was and still is the hardest thing I have every done; learning to be a parent for the first time and these foster girls learning to let go and accept us as their parents. It was quicker than we planned. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. Still, they cry for her, it’s her they miss. Very rarely did I believe there were such parents that would neglect and harm their kids to the point where the state would take away their children forever. I'm going to be real with you all. I have my forever daughter with us for 2 years and there have been difficult times and times you want to cry your eyes out. Who adopted “regular” children. And definitely no 9 months of preparing for a baby. I have two stepsons and an adopted daughter. After hearing some of the horror stories that my parents learned about in classes, reading the constant requests for help on the Kids in Distress page, and realizing how many foster organizations actually exist, my views drastically changed. The oldest was older than our marriage so of course, they knew what that must mean. You do everything with such passion and glory, you are constantly trying to do the right thing, are always humble, and you guys can always be found helping others. It’s horrible when people look at us and I can see the judgement. Boles is a mother of 12 to one biological child and eleven adopted children. In time, our family became more and more supportive and we definitely had/have friends who have been AMAZING in some really rough waters!! How dare I let kids ride? May 14, 2015 - Poignant letter from a foster mom offers hope to biological moms who are apart from their children. We worried if we could handle her needs, as my daughter has high functioning autism. We will forever, I think, fight her made up memories as well as some that are very real, but she was just too young to process. Foster parents and adoptive parents are special parents…they take into their homes and their hearts children with broken hearts! My Mom and my Dad are my Mom and my Dad. I know your situation is different from mine but, we had the baby showers and all. I resgared on my blog. I just want to say thank you for choosing to adopt! Thank you for sharing this letter. Most adoptive families would love to answer questions, so don’t stare, just ask! These are links to the blog entries about my struggle to become a mother. An apology letter doesn’t have to be something that’s elaborate as long as it’s from the heart. It put it in perspective for me that this is how he feels, when he takes us out of bad situations and all we can focus on is how mad we are that things have changed. In fact, we lost friends over it. I was shocked at the amount of negativity we received. My parents are missionaries, and specialize in the area of training foster/adoptive parents how to parent with an understanding of the trauma that children have gone through. My husband and I adopted his autistic nephew who was headed for removal to foster care. The other half are look at me, I am like Jesus. They have me, too. . I too am the youngest mom I know with a teen. Facilities overseen by another state agency. Our pinched faces may seem to plead for hugs and kisses. Thanks for writing this. We are adoptive Grandparents of two delightful half siblings. We called grandma, we transitioned her 350 miles away to grandma, we paid for grandma to adopt her. Please don’t kiss us. Disney released news that they will be releasing tons of different new movies this coming year, especially for Marvel. The youngest doesn’t remember her mom but my oldest do and the love wow but I know that God will see me through so I continue to press but it’s really hard sometimes . My prayers are with this family and and anyone who has had the honor and privilege to adopt/foster. I am so proud of all three kids! She now understood she would never see her birth mom again. Even if they don’t, God does. First, let me start off by saying thank you. The NFPA believes in the importance of family-based care for foster children and that every child deserves support and a permanent family. People make cruel comments about that as well, and I’ve recently lost a friendship because someone who proclaims her Christian status and who knows our history told me it is “weird” that I would continue to be a teacher without having kids myself, and that we should *just* adopt. What does that really mean? I stifled a giggle and proudly announced, “Because they all have different fathers!” (Our children did not end up attending that school). I appreciate how … They do get older and ask questions but, we have remained positive and always try to have an open line of communication. You guys individually and as a whole inspire me in numerous ways and I love you all more than you know. And yes, I love all my children the same! My daughters are now in their 20’s and doing well. I believe it is a calling, just like so many other callings that I could not even begin to fill because God has not asked of me nor prepared me for! It’s helpful to hear how cutting our insensitive and thoughtless words can be! My son is now the same age that I was when he was born, 14. Your kids will know what you mean. Your children will be grateful one day. I have adopted 2 beautiful children and we are getting ready to start foster care. “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”. I’m awake because I was thinking about the meeting Husband and I had this week with the adoption agency. Growing up I ALWAYS had foster brothers and sisters, and I have one adopted sister (whom was adopted at 13 years old.). We, too, did not get the normal new baby treatment or congratulations. These broken children need the anchor you provide them while they are be swept up and shaken by their emotions and experiences. I’m still a work in progress, so I’ve had to forgive the heartless comments, family rejections, and church judgements. Menu Houston Moms Blog A collaborative blog written BY local moms, FOR local moms. It is hard to not have pictures of them when they were little as babies to show off to others and it is hard to hear them talk about their birth mom and other foster moms as if I am not good enough. Thank you for sharing your story. I too am paying for Thier parents sins and sometimes I honestly ask the question God did I do the right thing ? Right now we live day to day trying to figure out how to leave. Thank you for posting this. And you, dear mama, are stronger than me. You raised me with the most humble and open of hearts. If it’s any consolation, negativity can be just as strong when you have biological children. Twitter. Thanks for sharing! An open letter to my future foster children. She has cerebral palsy and no one wanted that level of care. I have not been given a baby shower for my kids. He knew when He created your reproductive system that these specific children would be born for you. 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